You probably noticed that it's been awfully quiet for almost 2 days.
The reason is my sister living in south Sweden canceled for this weeks sailing due to her needing the time to regenerate and not be her worst on the boat.
She is taking care of herself, which she should!
On top of that Martin, my boyfriend, who now has sailed one week with me and I hadn't seen for 6 weeks had a fallout.
This fallout reveals my dark side which is destructive, I tend to have a plan or project and when things go wrong I submit myself and pressure everyone around me to anyway fulfill the plan/project.
This sucks all fun and life out of things and strains any relationship.
I think I currently, because with all things happening motor, sail, bad planning, people canceling, ended up in this bad place. I don't know if I can continue. This project currently is taking too much energy out of me and I'm not pleasant to be around.
Can I abort or come back to a state, where the project isn't draining me so much?
I planned this I thought smoothly without a lot of pressure, I thought. I had a loosely befriended couple, who did the same trip in 6 weeks. The same number has been played back to me numerous times the last weeks.
So why is it so draining and hard on me?
I think the reason is I have fixed places to be and weather or planning mistakes build up pressure as well as therefore things like motor problems take much time away. Also I have inexperienced people on the boat, just when they are good they leave again.
Additionally I am motoring a lot not sailing and can here on the west coast or south coast as well as canal only stay in real harbors.
These are loud and full, not the nature experience I longed for. It's all my own fault nobody to blame for this outcome, but somehow this isn't working well for myself.
I notice this gets my brain working in circles and I have a hard time to fall asleep and wake up exhausted.
On the bright side I this week have my dear friend Torsten on board and Anna B. that 4 years ago my sister's and I adopted as our sister.
Anna comes today and has offered to stay 3 additional days after this week to try to get the boat to Karlskrona for the next crew and cover for the canceled crew.