You probably noticed that it's been awfully quiet for almost 2 days.
The reason is my sister living in south Sweden canceled for this weeks sailing due to her needing the time to regenerate and not be her worst on the boat.
She is taking care of herself, which she should!
On top of that Martin, my boyfriend, who now has sailed one week with me and I hadn't seen for 6 weeks had a fallout.
This fallout reveals my dark side which is destructive, I tend to have a plan or project and when things go wrong I submit myself and pressure everyone around me to anyway fulfill the plan/project.
This sucks all fun and life out of things and strains any relationship.
I think I currently, because with all things happening motor, sail, bad planning, people canceling, ended up in this bad place. I don't know if I can continue. This project currently is taking too much energy out of me and I'm not pleasant to be around.
Can I abort or come back to a state, where the project isn't draining me so much?
I planned this I thought smoothly without a lot of pressure, I thought. I had a loosely befriended couple, who did the same trip in 6 weeks. The same number has been played back to me numerous times the last weeks.
So why is it so draining and hard on me?
I think the reason is I have fixed places to be and weather or planning mistakes build up pressure as well as therefore things like motor problems take much time away. Also I have inexperienced people on the boat, just when they are good they leave again.
Additionally I am motoring a lot not sailing and can here on the west coast or south coast as well as canal only stay in real harbors.
These are loud and full, not the nature experience I longed for. It's all my own fault nobody to blame for this outcome, but somehow this isn't working well for myself.
I notice this gets my brain working in circles and I have a hard time to fall asleep and wake up exhausted.
On the bright side I this week have my dear friend Torsten on board and Anna B. that 4 years ago my sister's and I adopted as our sister.
Anna comes today and has offered to stay 3 additional days after this week to try to get the boat to Karlskrona for the next crew and cover for the canceled crew.
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Anna (Sunday, 22 July 2018 14:35)
Sofia, hang in there!!!
Every crisis is only temporary and every cloud has a silver lining.
An Genz (Sunday, 22 July 2018 22:48)
Kicki, I am so sorry tjat you feel you have Done something wrong, because you haven’t. This trip worked out to be diffrent from the One You did four yesrs ago. That too is an Why dont’ you stat a fat longer somewhere to have a rest. I have heard so much of how beautiful the archipelago of Blekinge is so don’t hurry through. Discover it!. Sleep long and well this night.
Dirk (Monday, 23 July 2018 05:15)
Hi Sofia, we will have a fun week, just hang on and don’t pressure yourself. We will come to see you where it is needed for a fun week on the water. Go with the flow.
Very much looking forward to seeing you end of next week,
Antje (Monday, 23 July 2018 06:50)
Oh, that's too bad those thoughts have come up again. Maybe you'd like to find a quiet place and try to calm down and relieve the pressure on yourself. Your guests can be your companions and everyone will do their best. But only you can do it. Look ahead and don't give up.
I'm also looking forward to our week together, even if it's still a bit to come.
Sofia (Monday, 23 July 2018 21:50)
Dear friends and mum, thanks a lot for your concerns and cheers.
I'm better rested today after a good nights sleep and even a siesta today. Things don't look so grim anymore and I have again good company on the boat.
Will go to sleep tonight here in Gislövs läge knowing you all believe and support me. Thanks!
Max (Tuesday, 24 July 2018 14:20)
Hang in there mate - try to let go and be ;)
Colleen Csavas (Monday, 30 July 2018 00:29)
I hope you have turned a corner now and you can be a little calmer and enjoy the beautiful surroundings you are in.
Sofia (Tuesday, 31 July 2018 08:45)
I think I have as Colleen wishes turned a corner. Relaxing in Karlskrona is good and my spirit is better. I'm awaiting my next crew coming weekend and then I will see where we end up depending on winds and weather.